It's Not Healthy Being A "Star" Football Player

In an article in my hometown newspaper, The Herald, the reporter wrote that “the parents of former North Monterey County High School football and track star Reginald Doucet Jr. said Thursday that they are convinced the Los Angeles Police Department is guilty of murdering their son and covering up the crime.” There is was again; a football “star” being killed by the police. Just out of curiosity, I Googled, “Star Football Player Killed.” I got over 30 million hits. The search revealed screaming headlines about the deaths of former “star” football players who were murdered, shot, died in car and motorcycle accidents, hit by a train, killed during an argument over cologne, stabbed, killed by police, drowned, “executed by NYPD,” died in plane crashes, died while entangled in a BowFlex machine, died in combat, or died while playing the game. They hardly ever seem to die of old age. There seemed to be a lot of “star football” players killed by the police. So many, in fact, you’d think that the police around the country were targeting young football stars for assassination. Why did the police kill him? He’s a football star, of course! Why do newspaper editors feel compelled to use the adjective “star” before “football player” when describing a dead athlete? Does it enhance the tragedy of the loss when someone with great skills or talent dies? Do newspapers check the decedent’s playing statistics to see if he really was a star? Regardless, the evidence is clear. Being a “star” of anything will hasten your death. A good number of athletic stars, movie stars, singing stars, and television stars have all met early deaths, the latest evidence being the death of Whitney Houston. I think I have a good chance of living a long life because I’m not a star of any sport or entertainment field. In light of my research, I’d be satisfied to be an “average” player, singer, or actor. They never seem to be bothered by the police, fans, paparazzi, drug dealers, ex-girlfriends, and the like. Actually, the more average you are, the less likely you’ll be the victim of a police shooting, murdered, go to jail for drunk driving or arrested and tried for killing your wife or girlfriend. Of course, when the police do kill a “star football player,” there probably has never been occasion when witnesses sided with the police version of what transpired. It seems that in every single documented incident of a police officer shooting a “star” football player, no one has ever said, “Yeah, I’d of shoot the guy too if I were the cop.” You would think in light of all the incidents where police have shot star athletes, at least one of these “stars” got what he deserved. The only time this has ever come close is when Michael Vick (a star football player), was arrested for promoting dog fights. Little old ladies wanted to get a gun and shoot him. So do your children a favor and persuade them to not be star football players.