What I Don’t Want for Christmas: Everything but the Elusive ‘Middle Class Tax Cut’

With the holidays rapidly approaching, my wife and kids have asked me several times what I would like for Christmas. Like most men, it’s easier for me to identify what I don’t want, because most things I would like are out of range for my family’s budget, like a Bentley or a secluded vacation beach house in Maui. What I definitely don’t want is anything pitched by Billy Mays on television. I don’t need a liquid that mends rips in my jeans, or putty that can be used to replace the broken handle on my coffee cup. I would sooner go to an alterations shop and throw away the broken cup. I don’t need a worthless deed to property on the moon, nor do I need a star named after me, thank you. I also don’t want anything that comes with a certificate of authenticity. Please don’t give me a Chia Pet, or anything that remotely resembles one. Dittos for a device that allegedly sharpens my old razor blades to make them like new. The same goes for a computer gadget I saw that is a bikini-clad Barbie look-alike doll that pole dances on a small platform when you play MP3 music files. Please spare me. That falls in the category of the singing mounted fish I once received that I “accidentally” dropped and broke several days later. The money clip I received for Christmas several years ago still works fine, and now that I’m semi-retired, neckties aren’t as necessary as they once were. In fact, the last thing I need is anything that can be worn, so save your money there too. I can’t wear out the clothes I have, and don’t need to add more clutter in my closet. I’ve got shoes older than my married children, and I don’t hesitate to go to a shoe repair shop when needed. I don’t need any tools either. When a man gets in his 50s, he usually owns every known tool ever made and now spends more time searching for a tool then it takes to use it. So thanks anyway. Now my sons call me and ask what the difference is between an Allen wrench and an adjustable wrench because they weren’t interested in learning when I was trying to teach them when they were growing up. Any tools I get for Christmas will probably be duplicates, and I will promptly pass the old tools to my tool-challenged sons. What I would like for Christmas is the promised Obama tax cut for the middle class, but being a seasoned adult, I’m not holding my breath. If he lowers my income taxes by say, 3%, and then allows the Bush tax cuts to expire, I’ll have a net increase of about 3%. I don’t see Congress rushing to push legislation for middle class tax cuts so Obama can sign it on Inauguration Day. They’re too busy bailing out the auto industry and Wall Street. I’m afraid by January the Democrat Congress will tell us that it can’t afford middle class tax cuts because of all the bailouts. I waited eight years for Bill Clinton’s promised middle class tax cuts but they never materialized. Instead, he asked for and received the largest tax increase in history. Fool me once, shame on you . . . The Democrat-led California legislation could give me a state income tax cut as well for Christmas. But all I read in the papers is that it wants tax increases to make up for a projected $14 billion deficit. Why not demand proof of citizenship and legal residency before someone receives a free education, medical treatment and social services? That would balance the budget immediately. As it stands now, I’m in the 9.3% state income tax bracket. I could buy a home in an income tax-free state and comfortably make the mortgage payments with the money I pay the state of California every year. I might even be able to afford that Bentley.